Like all American conglomerates these days, we here at Puck Daddy like to outsource work. Some might call it being lazy; I call it job creation. For our ‘Russian sports power couple’ news, we turn to the good people over at Russian Machine Never Breaks (RMNB).
Sadly, RMNB reported this morning Capitals forward Alexander Ovechkin and No. 93 ranked tennis player Maria Kirilenko have decided to end their engagement. Kirilenko issued an official statement through R-Sports:
“I have made a decision to break up our engagement. There are a lot of reasons, but I wouldn’t want to go in detail. I’ll say just that our relationship is over, but I respect Sasha as a person and an athlete and sincerely wish him athletic success in the future.
“I’m currently concentrating on preparing for my tennis tournaments and I hope that soon I’ll be able to please my fans with news about my success as an athlete and not just in my personal life.”
DAMMIT ALL TO HELL! WILL LOVE EVER WIN?!
It’s the off-season so we get to do whatever we want, like reading too far in to an official statement we have no additional information or context on. The first paragraph tells the whole story. I’ll translate into ‘pissed-off ex-girlfriend’:
I have made a decision to break up our engagement.–> I BROKE UP WITH HIM.
There are a lot of reasons … –> It was entirely his fault.
… but I wouldn’t want to go in detail. –> He knows what he did.
I’ll say just that our relationship is over … –> Did I mention I broke up with him?!
… but I respect Sasha as a person and an athlete and sincerely wish him athletic success in the future. –> I hope Alex’s life is filled with misery and loneliness going forward. We all know he can’t win big games, but it is funny to passive-aggressively wish him luck anyway.
My tinfoil hat theory about this relationship all along is that it’s been orchestrated by none other than Vladimir Putin. Old Pooty-Poots wants to create the ultimate Russian athlete like a real-life Ivan Drago. I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Ovi with Maria Sharapova in the future because she’s the only female Russian athlete I can think of at the moment.
(If read this and take me seriously, I suggest searching APA.org for a good therapist in your area.)