There are three things certain in life: death, taxes, and long lines for the restroom (translated to Canadian it’s ‘washroom’) at intermission during a hockey game.

In Game 3 of the Edmonton Oilers series against the Anaheim Ducks, female patrons found their wait for the restroom went from five to ten minutes to nearly half an hour.

Particularly bad batch of poutine circulating through concessions? Nope.

Rogers Place management decided to convert some women’s restrooms into men’s restrooms.

Turns out, the men folk don’t like waiting in lines when they’ve got to hit the head, so they complained. Rogers Place was happy to acquiesce … at the expense of the women in attendance.

The reason?

Sarah Kraus of GlobalNews.ca spoke with the female general manager of Rogers Place.

“For playoffs, what we’re seeing is we’re getting predominantly men in here – the more exciting the hockey gets, I think the less guys are willing to give up their tickets,” said Susan Darrington, general manager of Rogers Place. “So we’ve adjusted our plans and we flipped a restroom on our main and on our upper concourse to be more available for men.”

OH. IT GETS BETTER.

“You’ll never make everyone happy,” Darrington continued. “I think we actually feel good about what we’ve done. The men are getting through faster, the women are seeing a little more of a delay.”

[Punches hole in wall. Will not get security deposit back.]

To recap this brain-cramping logic used by Ms. Darrington:

— Women don’t buy tickets; they get them from male fans during the season.

— Male fans too excited to give away tickets during playoffs, so women don’t attend games.

— A ‘little more of a delay’ means an increase of around 25 minutes or more at women’s restrooms.

— And men are mad they have to wait. (To which the female non-sports and sports fans alike scream, ‘BOO F-ING HOO.’ Welcome to the women’s restroom experience for anything.)

As for how the Oilers Entertainment Group determined how there were more men at games, per Ms. Darrington, there was a ‘staff survey season-ticket holders to try and get an idea of how many men are coming to a game compared to women.’

No other details of the survey were included in the article, like: when it took place, how many respondents, what kind of questions they asked, etc. You know, information.

Game 4 is on Wednesday night. No word so far as to if Rogers Place will continue with their brilliant idea to disenfranchise part of their fanbase in order to placate the other.